


You Love Me

by kamidontarchive



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Canon, M/M, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-03-14
Updated: 2005-03-14
Packaged: 2018-12-27 02:50:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12072078
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kamidontarchive/pseuds/kamidontarchive
Summary: Justin returns to Brian after Ethan cheats on him. J/E is only for a couple seconds.





	You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

_One more kiss could be the best thing  
But one more lie could be the worst_

 

“Justin, please don’t do this. We can work it out,” Ethan tells me and I want to believe him, I want to crawl inside him and live dreams of romance and pretty words. 

“No, we can’t. You cheated on me and now you just want me to go along...go along and forget all the promises you made to me,” I tell him as I move around the apartment, throwing my things into a bag. I can hear the hurt in his voice as he pleads with me to stay.

“I cheated on you one time, one fucking time. Brian fucked around on you everyday, every night, every minute,” he screams at me. I spin around to him when he says that and I cannot stop the amused smile that spreads across my face. 

“Brian never cheated on me. I always knew what he was doing, always. He never promised me more than he was willing to give,” I say and as I say it I realize that I fucked up when I left Brian. I fucked up and I have no idea what I am supposed to do to fix it.

“I love you Justin,” he says to me as he rushes forward and locks his lips onto mine. I drop into the kiss and for a couple of seconds I forget his betrayal. I rush to pull myself out of the depths of my thoughts as they threaten to consume my judgment again. I don’t want to give in to my voices, they have misled me before.

_And all these thoughts are never resting  
And you’re not something I deserve_

I pull away from him, breaking the kiss and our bond forever. “I can’t do this. I am not going to go along with you just because you seem safe. Appearances aren’t everything and you have shown me that. You have shown me that underneath it all you are completely full of shit,” I tell him. I think of Brian and how I know that he loves me, I have always known it and I am so pissed that I have let myself forget it. “I deserve to be happy. Even if I have to go through hard times and fight like hell to get there,” I tell him. 

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Ethan tells me as I zip up my bags and move with them toward the door. I feel his eyes burning into me. I open the door and look back at him. I can see the hurt and anger on his face.

“You know, maybe he doesn’t deserve me, but then neither do you,” I say. I can see the anger take full charge of him at my bold statement. I don’t give him a chance to respond, “Hell, maybe it’s me that doesn’t deserve him,” I say as I take the cheap ring off my finger at toss it at his feet, closing the door behind me.

Brian’s POV...

_In my head there’s only you now  
This world falls on me_

I take another shot of beam and relax as it warms my insides and takes me a little farther from thoughts of a certain blond. I feel the pressure and pull of everything without him. Without Justin here I feel everything with its full force. I used to use him as a buffer, a shield that cut some the bitter and folded it with the sweet. He never knew and it made his powers all the more important to me. I am almost through the bottle when I hear someone buzzing.

I move over to the intercom and push the button. “Who in the fuck is this?” I ask. I hear silence from whoever is downstairs. “Well, are you going to say something or not?” I ask them. When they still don’t speak I move away from the intercom. When I am halfway to the sofa I hear a familiar voice ring through the loft, bouncing off the walls and filling it.

“Brian...Umm, do you think I could come up?” I hear him ask and I can hear the sadness in his voice and the heart that I have softened to him aches to have him near. I push the door release and unlatch the loft door. I move to sit on the sofa and start to roll a joint. I hear the lift stop and the gate slide up. When I hear him enter the loft I have to remind myself that he is really here.

_In this world there’s real and make believe  
And this seems real to me_

“You gonna come in or you just wanna stand in the door?” I ask from my spot in front of the sofa. I hear the loft door close but he never comes around so that I can see him. 

“You came here Justin,” I say when he doesn’t say anything. I can tell he is not moving and if I wasn’t so sure he was still standing I would think he had dropped dead. 

“I made a mistake Brian,” he says barely above a whisper and strain to hear him. “I fucked up. I didn’t know what I had and walked away because I didn’t hear the words that I wanted. I would give anything to take it back... anything, but I know that I can’t,” he tells me and I know what he is trying to say to me. 

He is trying to apologize; he wants me to take him back. I want to push off of the floor and fold him into me. I want to crush my lips down onto his and take him, claim him and remind him of why he should have never left. 

“Justin, what do you want me to say? You walked out on me. You cheated on me. You lied to me,” I tell him and I push my emotions behind my mask of indifference. I don’t want him to know that that I can feel and most of what I feel revolves around him.

_You love me but you don’t know who I am_  
I’m torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
And you love me but you don’t know who I am  
So let me go  
Let me go 

“Brian, I know I hurt you. I know I did. You can hide it and try to pretend like you’re not affected but I know better. I told you before, I’m onto you,” he tells me and I can hear the tears as they start to make their way down his face. They coat his throat in thickness and make his breathing deep. I refuse to meet his eyes but I can tell that all his focus is on me. “Brian, please say something,” he says.

“I can’t Justin,” I tell him and I know that it’s all I need to say. It is the answer to all his questions. It’s the reason why I can’t love him the way he wants, its the reason why I don’t want to take him back and its the reason that I can’t turn around, because if I do all my resolve will leave me.

Justin’s POV...

I know he won’t look at me. I want to go around the sofa and demand that he open up to me, talk to me, scream and yell...anything. I want him to feel me and let me know that he does. I want him, all off him but I’ll take what I can get. “Something is better than nothing Brian,” I say when he tells me that he can’t. I don’t need him to do anything but try.

_I dream ahead to what I hope for_  
And I turn my back on loving you  
How can this love be a good thing?  
When I know what I’m going through 

“What makes this time different?” he asks me and I know he means for both of us. I don’t answer him right away because this time what I say means everything. I think of what his question really means. He wants to know why he should bother taking me back when he doesn’t see himself changing. 

I take the time to think, to really think about how I feel. When I know the right answer, not just the one I am thinking but the one I know and feel to be true I answer him. “I know what to expect from you, I know you but more importantly I know myself. I know what I am willing to accept and what I am not willing to accept,” I tell him.

_In my head there’s only you now_  
This world falls on me  
In this world there’s real and make believe  
And this seems real to me 

Brian’s POV...

I smile at his answer and when he moves closer to the sofa I take in a breath. I can smell him and I fall into the memories that wash over me. “Have you eaten?” I ask him. I hear him drop his bags and I smile at the fact that he brought all his stuff with him. When he moves over and sits down on the floor next to me I inhale him deeply and fully.

Justin’s POV...

“I could eat,” I tell him and when I sit down next to him I breathe him in. I let my arm touch his and I can feel the heat from his body force its way into mine. I take the joint from between his fingers and put it to my lips, light it and take the smoke into my lungs. 

I hold it and blow the smoke into the air. I take the joint and hand it back to him, feeling his thoughts flow through to me. I smile at him and for the first time since I came into the house we lock eyes with each other but no words are spoken.

_You love me but you don’t know who I am_  
I’m torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
You love me but you don’t know who I am  
So let me go  
Just let me go 

Justin’s POV...

‘I’m sorry,’ I think. I hear him breathe in and out slowly, inhaling the smoke and billowing it into the air.

Brian’s POV...

‘I know you are but I should never have pushed you away. I could have tried harder,’ I think. 

Justin’s POV...

‘I could have paid attention to more than what you didn’t say. I waited too long to wake up,’ I tell him without words. 

_And no matter how hard I try_  
I can’t escape these things inside I know  
I know  
When all the pieces fall apart  
You will be the only one who knows  
Who Knows 

_You love me but you don’t know who I am_  
I’m torn between this life I lead and where I stand  
And you love me but you don’t know who I am  
So let me go  
Just let me go 

_And you love me but you don’t_  
You love me but you don’t  
You love me but you don’t know who I am  
And you love me but you don’t  
And you love me but you don’t  
And you love me but you don’t know me 

Justin’s POV...

“Do you want me to get the menu?” I ask him as he takes in another hit.

“Yeah, and make sure you tell them not to forget the noodles this time,” he tells me. I move to get up off the floor and I feel his hand grip my arm, pulling me down through a cloud of smoke. When he presses his lips to mine I feel myself start to float. 

‘I know you,’ we breathe into each other at the same time, sending the message through our lips and into our hearts and minds. When we look at each other I am amazed at how well we know each other.

* * *

The lyrics are from the 3 Doors Down song "Let Me Go". *whispers* If they are not exact don't blame me...blame THE MAN. Thanks Carly.


End file.
